At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
