You smell like a Billy Joel song
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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