I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
