No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
