i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
you never un-have a 4some
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
