someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
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