five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We are all done wearing pants today
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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