What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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