ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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