Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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