Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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