Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
