Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
All I want is dick and wine.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
