Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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