I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
