ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
