we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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