I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
