It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
