walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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