there's paper in my vomit.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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