Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
