Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Randomize
