Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
