So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
