just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
