i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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