If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
