How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
