youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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