I'm so fucking centered right now
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
