did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
