I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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