2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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