cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
