dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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