I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Randomize
