DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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