When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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