He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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