my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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