I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
