I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The adults are the big ones right?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
