i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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