I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
