Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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