This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
