Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Randomize
