Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
