if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
