How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
